Earthquake!

Every earthquake I've ever 'experienced' has happened when I have been sleeping, driving, or oblivious. Well, yesterday I broke that record. The earth shook for what seemed like forever...and left me dizzy and with a headache for most of the rest of the day. I am not too sure I enjoyed what nature had in store yesterday. However, it really did get me thinking (surprise, surprise)....
I was at work as usual, and when the trembling began, we naturally all kind of started looking around. I think it was to find a face, in a room of strangers, to comfort us in this moment of panic when being 'care-givers' really started to matter in a concrete way. All the mothers and babysitters were thinking about how to keep the ones they love safe and secure. And, in turn, I was thinking about how to keep all of them safe. So, not surprisingly, the face that everyone's gaze landed on happened to be mine. I got a lot of "what's she going to do?" looks, and "what am I supposed to do to keep my kid safe?" looks. These people needed answers. Essentially, they were in my 'house', and it was like someone, that no one happened to like, just stopped by unannounced (and kind of even like I may have actually invited them). And how did I handle it? Sheer panic, I think... But this was one of those moments when people who talk a lot about God felt so reassuring. It was one of those 'if anyone in this room believes in God, I want to stand by you' moments. The woman next to me was telling her son that "this is when we pray. ...we ask God to keep everyone safe"... and suddenly I felt safe. I actually felt so empowered, I turned down the music and got ready to talk to all the kids about the fear they may be feeling or the questions they may have had.
Well, ironically, (or not at all, really..more thankfully) the kids just shouted for me to turn back on their music, and the parents and I got to continue freaking and exaggerating, texting, calling, and the like. (And I, of course, was thinking how truly unprepared we are if a large natural disaster should strike). But I really got a very small taste of how we all seem to be in our own little bubbles- our daily little worlds filled with our own doubts, fears, pressures, passions, that we hide and are so invisible on the surface. But how something like a trauma, or just a little something out of the ordinary can really 'shake' us.. To our cores. Our essence.. and we just naturally let go of all that facade stuff and are left to just stand there, naked and exposed to everyone. We come together, our defense mechanisms are really beautiful things. They fight for our survival. And in this case, kind of show our true need for support, community, a hand to reach out for, and one to accept. No one cares who has the better house, jeans, or stroller at these moments. Can you imagine what a compassionate place our world would be if we walked around asking, "Did you feel that?" a little more often? We all become human and care for each others' safety in a real, true way.
Luckily, everyone was safe and this was a really small thing in comparison to the disasterious things taking place in the world all around us.... but, at the same time, so powerful to feel so stripped of our power as people on this earth. We run around each day with so much control and 'power' in our own lives. It's not until the earth is actually shaking and moving the walls that we are able to realize that we are so much smaller than we think. We do not hold all the power. We get a glimpse of this traumatic feeling that so many people in the world live with every day. We forget we are so lucky to be able to live where we do- in an area so saturated with wealth, intellect, opportunity.
I keep thinking about the mom who told me she will never forget my face or the face of anyone in the studio that day. I guess we shared something huge. This was such a good reminder that these moments are almost always unplanned, and sometimes a little unpleasant. And no matter how many classes I have taken, books I have read, talks I have given.... nothing could have prepared me for that.... and I think a little window was opened in us all, letting a tiny bit of space for connection (even with strangers) for the human race.

Countdown Is ON.....

We are feverishly working on all our wedding details as the countdown begins.... TWO MONTHS (and not really counting because there is so much to get done before then)!! We are getting so excited! It is such an interesting ride we have been on the past year. Being engaged has been so exciting. It has most definitely been the happiest time in my life to date. I have started to feel like I am a 'grown up' at times, which I never thought possible... and have really confirmed I have such an amazing person I get to spend the rest of my life with. I have been shown that I have the best friends ever thought possible (from showers, to princess-like day-trips, gifts, cards, phone conversations, advice, suggestions, emails, and just ears to hear my daily wedding babble). I have felt so much support from so many wonderful people at this time in my life. (And I'm not just talking about the little old ladies at the fabric store who gush with advice on how to sew my veil, etc)! I could not ask for better or more supportive friends and family. I appreciate everyone so much more than I could ever express. I feel so lucky.

First- Timer

In all my almost-30 years, I have never single-handedly given a dog a bath. Until today. This was important enough for me to blog about, tho... considering my blog is not of the earth-shattering sort. Gotta say, it was pretty fun tho. Lucky for me, our dog just stands there and patiently waits until it's over. I actually think she kinda liked it. First time for everything.

Little Drummer Boy

Aww.. Our Drummer friend Ben is expecting a baby boy and had a Baby BBQ this weekend. We went all out, as usual. Fun! Congrats, Ben! We can't wait to meet Lucas!

New Cru Member..

My Current Life Analogy...

So, I put it all together today. My life, in it's entirety at this current moment, could be explained like this analogy--

Like when the spry, golden, prepubescent high school cross-country boy with the bouncing shag-ish hair, perfectly upright posture and the teeny flowing shorts that proudly boast the crest of the university which he will attend with a full ride (for- yep- running) just pops on the jogging trail and begins his all-day run at the precise time I'm passing the trail break. I happen to be right in the middle of my 3rd mile, trucking along at a pace that can partially be described as the result of my looming insomnia and partly due to my post pot-of-coffee crash.

This pisses me off for two reasons. First, I was feeling quite comfortable, actually seeking refuge, in my mediocricy as a runner at this moment. I felt pretty good about the fact I had laced up the sneaks and physically made it down to the trail. I didn't think I had the energy to push harder, nor did I care. I was enjoying the anonymity in the trail of average runners today. And then he showed up. Which leads me to the second reason I was mad. That I could not just let him pass me, maybe even lag back a little and really let him gain the lead. At which point, I could continue on at my haggard old lady pace. But no. I could not. I allowed this boy, this record-breaking running genius-boy to force me to crawl out of my skin, out of my comfort zone to be a faster, stronger, healthier version of myself. I could not just choose to be left in the dust of his gazelle like strides. He had a death grip of control over me.

So, I ran faster. I got madder. He hypnotized me. He held on to this power over me. I pushed harder. I began to feel the hot morning sun and the dust rising from below my weary feet. I kept my eye on this one. Getting madder that I could not let it go. I did not let him get too far ahead of me. (Mind you, he was warming up and I was full on R-U-N-N-I-N-G) I did not even turn back before my scheduled run was over. Of course I thought about it over and over at first.

But before I knew it, I found myself getting distracted from myself, from my indifference to accomplishment. I began to appreciate my 'Best Run Ever' playlist. I began to feel the strength in my legs and even the payoff from my insane 'boot camp' workout from last night. I started noticing the hummingbirds and the butterflies, for God's sake! And before I knew it, the Golden Boy and I were interrupted by my ipod telling me I had "400 meters to go".. Those four words are usually when I literally throw up my fist in an Arsenio Hall-like fashion and thank the good Lord I had made it. But today, it was bittersweet. I'm not gonna lie, I was grateful I had made it (and kinda appreciative I didn't have more time)... but I was also so ready to take on more.

It was that initial digging down deep inside to the core of me to find my motivation and inspiration (well, I guess he just kinda showed up today) to be better, get better, work harder. And then to feel that unexpected growth, success, and, in a small way, pride that I was able to do what I thought not possible today. Even if that was keeping up with Mr. High School Senior's warm- up miles.

And even more ironically life-lessonesque.... Another wave of accomplishment came when I heard him say "Nice run" as I turned for home.